I Read: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

I Read: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

I have never read a book by a comedian before.  The only reason I read this one is because I found it in my parent's basement and had no idea how something like that got there.  I read it, and got a handful of chuckles.  Rather than give you a play by play, I'll just give you some of my favorite bits.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? by George Carlin

Illustration: Unbelievably, a Goldfish can kill a Gorilla. However, it does require a substantial element of surprise.

Everything was somewhat organized under headings of the great man's thoughts (I love George Carlin, and I'm glad I read this.)  But here, I'll just offer you some, as George would say, 'free-floating hostility.'

• Read "A Modern Man"
• Men are Stupid and Women are crazy (because Men are stupid.) He also has other great passages on men and women.
• Euphemisms; the man was confounded by them. "I first became aware of euphemisms when I was 9 years old. I was in the living room with my mother and my aunt Lil when I mentioned that Lil had a mole on her face.  My mother was quick to point out that Lil didn't have a mole, she had a beauty mark." Relax and be happy that your pimples are seen by some as mere skin blemishes. He explores MANY more Euphemisms in the book.
• Why are people who believe in UFO's treated as significantly less credible than people who believe in the supernatural?
• He reduces the Ten commandments down to two: be honest and faithful, and try really hard not to kill someone else unless they don't pray to the same god you do.
• "Every child is special. An empty meaningless statement. What about every adult? Isn't every adult special? And if not, then at what age does a person go from being special to being not-so-special? And if every adult IS also special, then that means all people are special and the idea has no meaning. This embarrassing sentiment is usually advanced to further some position that is either political or fund-raising in nature. It's similar to "children are our future." It's completely meaningless and is probably being used in some self-serving way."
• Why is it the only time you ever hear the word figment it's in relation to the imagination? Aren't there any other kinds of figments?
• A GENERIC JOKE: A person walks into a place and says something to another person. The second person says something back to the first person, who listens to that and then says something back to the second person. The thing that he says back is really funny.
• Ignore these four words.
• Here's How money can buy happiness: Money gives you options, options give you breathing room, breathing room gives you control and control can offer you a measure of happiness. Maybe.
• The sky is not blue. It merely looks that way because blue is the name we have given that color.
• A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."