TGIF!

TGIF!

APOCALYPSE LATER!

It had to happen.  Today, according to many misguided and frankly stupid interpretors, is the end of the world.  Ha! Well, as you can see, it isn't.  I'm sure the ancient Mayans are face-palming themselves from their 5th dimensional headquarters.  There are so many problem with the vision of apocalypse that people have its tough to know where to begin.  Why, even the word apocalypse is misunderstood.  It simply means "Unveiling," you know, like the showcase showdown on the Price-is-Right.

As I'm sure all of you are aware, there have been many attempts to put a fine point on the End of Days and they have all been wrong.  Why they have been wrong, is anybody's guess, but I'm going with either insanity or that they just wanted some attention.  So, for this Apocalyptic special, I thought I would highlight a few other humorous cases of mistaken Armageddon.

Jesus

Even JC had a rough estimate of the end time scenario that didn't pan-out.  He spoke of trials, famine, hardships, false versions of himself, people that weren't very nice and so on.  He made a few "vague" statements about when it would happen:

"Verily I say unto you, there are some of them that stand here, who shall in no wise taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom." (Matthew 16:28)

He said this a few other times.  St Paul certainly took up that belief in an immanent return of Jesus, even telling married couples that having sex wasn't a good idea since Jesus was about to charge back into town.  Well, that generation has come and gone, and gosh darn it if there was no second coming for them...

The First Millenium.

Around the year 1000, Christians were starting to get nervous because the date was getting much higher than their smartest men could count (also the hit song "Party like its 999 spread panic and funk into the streets).  Lots of people predicted the apocalypse, including Pope Sylvester II, who I'm sure can be quoted as referring to the antichrist with the phrase, "sufferin sucatash" attached.  Riots rocked Europe before the first of that year.  When nothing happened, the people assumed the end must come at the end of that year.  So around December 31st, they rioted again.

The Great Disapointment.

This guy was good.  This is William Miller.  This Baptist preacher predicted that the second coming of Jesus was going to occur on March 21, 1844.  He arrived at this date by doing "calculations" from the time stated in the bible.  After carrying the 1, Miller told everyone about this date, and he actually got alot of attention and people were generally freaked out.  Nothing happened of note that day besides horse throwing a shoe that knocked out a small boy's loose tooth.

So, people were upset, and he looked bad.  But then, he revealed that he had made a mistake, miscounted, miscalculated, and misunderstood everything. The true date was October 11th of that same year.  Even more anticipation was built up.  There was massive speculation and fear associated with that date.  Again, nothing happened.  These events would later be called, the great disappointment.  You'll see another jerk like this later on.

Y2K

For some reason, people thought computers couldn't count to 2000, and that the world's devices would destoy us in the year 2000.  Nothing happened.

Oh, and alot of dumb people thought it was going to be the end of the world for other reasons too (Second coming, alien invasion, the end of the Spice Girls, etc).

The RAPTURE!

My own prediction for the manor of the end of the world.  This one nearly came true, if only the statue came to life instead of caught fire.

Harold Camping

This guy takes the taco.  Harold Camping has made four, count 'em, FOUR predictions for the end of the world.  This lil' puppy's joy ride started in 1994 when he predicted the end on September 6th.  When nothing happened, he moved it to the 29th, my seventh birthday, and then to October 2nd.  After that, he scratched that year and said that he was absolutely super serious about March 31st 1995.  When that failed, he chose to wait a while before dazzling us.

In 2011, he gave us all a chance to laugh, cry, and scream "Oh Why!?"  He made a massive marketing campaign that took over billboards, ads, bumperstickers and the internet, telling everyone that the world was going to end, utterly and completely, on May 21st.

Nothing.

But he said that the spiritual rapture HAD happened, and that the physical end had always been Oct 21st.  People, in there desperation to make it off the "naughty list" sold off all of their property, and gave all of their money to Camping's Christian radio station.  They were so conviced of the end, they gave him everything.

Nothing.

How dark the con of man.

Today

Look, we all know where I'm going with this.  The notion of an End of things is a major part of our societal mythology.  All ancient beliefs have something to say about how things will end for us here on Earth.  Even science says the universe can't last forever.  So why are we trying to speed up the process?  Why do we let this idea factor so heavily in our public forums and mythological lifestyles?  Why do we anticipate the end instead of participate in the now?  Why does the End matter more than the means?

To me, it doesn't. 

Today, for me, and possibly for others, is a chance to reevaluate what's important to how i live my life: how things will end up, or how I'll make them now.  I am going to take this chance to enjoy the connections I have made to this world and so many people and things in it.  That's what Quetzalcoatl is all about, to me:  Connecting.

Thanks.

Have a nice end of the world!